It’s been an unusual holiday season for me. It’s hard to be holly-jolly when the prices for food, gas, and everything else has gone up. My heart became heavy when my friends who celebrate Hanukkah were too afraid to even put their menorah decorations outside. It’s heartbreaking to see my 80-year-old mom’s condition get progressively worse.

Since October 7, I’ve been trying to understand the Israel-Hamas War (at least that’s what it’s called here from my understanding since the U.S. doesn’t recognize the State of Palestine).

will I ever understand what’s going on?

Now I’m giving boba shops my money since I’ve boycotted the coffee shop with the siren logo. It doesn’t make complete sense to me, but I boycott because it makes me feel like I’m doing something.

Next to Target, blogging is my happy place and I’ve had to refrain from posting anything because my music or postcard posts seem so trivial and inconsequential by comparison to everything else going on in the world.

To satisfy my need to do something – anything – to help, I donate blood. I don’t donate money because my cash is all going to the aforementioned boba shops and to repaying my student loans (which coincidentally started up again since the country needs funds to support wars overseas?!) I know my little blood donation won’t help anyone beyond California, though my heart is everywhere there is pain and suffering.

I don’t have to look far. Sure, we’re officially out of pandemic times, but Covid is still around. Thankfully, I’ve managed not to get it in 2023, but I know people who weren’t as fortunate. People talk about Long Covid symptoms like fatigue, loss of taste, smell, or hearing. But what about the continuing sense of dread? No one talks about that lingering depression or continued distance and disconnection!

Perhaps I’m more sensitive to these events because I’m going through “the change.”

To prevent a full blown midlife crisis, I’ve turned to writing (as I always have whenever I need to cope.)

Since I turned 50 this year, I thought, “I should write 50 poems!” I like writing free verse, but also wanted some structure so I don’t ramble. That’s when I decided I’d challenge myself by writing fifty “50-word” poems.

Now I want to share these short, micro-poems in the hope that they might resonate with others and reassure them they’re not alone in thinking/feeling what it is they’re thinking/feeling. I’ll be posting one poem a day in the month of January.

The new year provides a fresh start! Here’s to creativity, risk-taking, change, and growth (despite the discomfort) in 2024! Stay safe and healthy. ☮️